The Hitcher Review

Poster Art Country : USA
Year: 2007
Genre: Slasher
Format: Cinema
Running Time: 83 minutes
Distributor: Rogue Pictures

A couple en route to spring break festivities make the deadly mistake of picking up a hitchhiker who turns out to be a malevolent monster who turns their world upside down in the remake of the 1986 classic chiller....

Directed by Dave Meyers. Written by John D. Brancato and Michael Ferris. Starring Sean Bean, Sophia Bush, Zachary Knighton, Kyle Davis and Neal McDonough.

Let me just say this. The original The Hitcher is one of my favorite films of all time, so I was totally against this remake from the get go. And of course, I just went and wasted two hours of my time seeing something I was totally against. It worked for Dawn of the Dead, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes. But did it work for The Hitcher remake? NOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the remake, Grace Andrews (Sophia Bush) and Jim Halsey (Zachary Knighton) hit the road in a 1970 Oldsmobile 442, en route to spring break, but their pleasure trip soon turns into a waking nightmare after encountering the mysterious hitchhiker John Ryder, a.k.a. The Hitcher (Sean Bean). The initial encounters with Ryder are increasingly off-putting for Grace and Jim, and they bravely fight back when he ambushes them. But they are truly blindsided when he implicates them in a horrific slaying and continues to shadow them. The open road becomes a battleground of blood and metal as, in trying to elude not only Ryder but also New Mexico State Police Lieutenant Esteridge's (Neal McDonough) officers; Grace and Jim must fight for their lives and face their fears head-on.

Jim and Grace cannot imagine the terror of THE HITCHER.

What are the problems with this remake? Where do I begin? Rutger Hauer is not in the film so that is the first problem. Second, it just didn’t work as well with two characters being involved from the get go. The pacing was awful, the direction was awful, the script was awful, and the music was RIDICULOUS! The scene where Ryder takes out the cops and the helicopter on the road to the Nine Inch Nails song was actually laughable. I literally thought I was watching a music video on MTV. Sadly, Ryder went from an immensely scary, haunting character with an icy personality (in the original) and turned into the Terminator in the remake. Or should I just call it a straight rip off. Oh, and did I mention the CGI jackrabbit and the CGI dragonfly? How about the cardboard Jim Halsey and his girlie Grace? Can you say wooden?

Just keep driving.

The gore was probably the only cool thing about it….we do SEE a guy get pulled apart, some blood spurting, throats ripped out, thumbs broke, throats slashed with handcuffs, and lots of head shots. In the original, we never really got to see a lot of deaths happen in the film, but I think that's what actually made the film scary. In the end, it gets even more disappointing since it doesn't go on for long and I was expecting a great confrontation….like the original, but sadly….I would have preferred seeing Sophia Bush get her head blown off.

Pointless and lame. Next on Platinum Dunes' chopping block….The Birds. And we all know how well Hitchcock remakes turn out. Stick to making Texas Chainsaw films guys. It’s what you're good at.

So my final words: “Worst remake EVER!”


Review by John Gray, for Pitofhorror.com

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