Toxic Zombies(1980): All right! Any movie with John Amplas (star of MARTIN, MIDNIGHT and good friend of George Romero) has got to be good!! I wasn't disappointed. The DNR find out about some hippie marijuana farmers growing dope on state land. They send out two agents (who are quickly dispatched by the hippies) and after realizing that the agents have probably been killed, two DNR high ranks enlist the help of a unemployed, drunken crop duster to spray the marijuana fields with a new chemical called DROMAX. The chemical is experimental so it ain't supposed to harm humans or animals, just kill the crops. Yeah, right!! The drunken duster has some of the best lines in this film. Check him out when he's yelling at his equally white-trash wife. Hilarious! Anyway, the duster sprays the chemical all over the place and not only gets the crop, but the hippies as well. The hippie farmers don't react well to being sprayed with this shit and they start coughing up blood and squirming. Meantime, the duster flies his plane back to the barn and comes out of the plane, coughing heinously and swaying. Come to find out DROMAX was not tested and it is harmful to humans. It turns them into zombies. Yeah! The next morning, the crop duster attacks his wife while she's doing laundry. And then the focus is on the hippie farmers. You see, not all of the hippies were out picking dope when the chemical was being sprayed. Some of them were packing up the camp to get the hell out of there. Well, the next day, those hippies that were sprayed don't look so good. In fact, they look kinda hungry, starving for something. That something, we find out, is human flesh!! One of the zombies attack and the shit goes down! The human hippies run like hell into the woods and the zombies follow, attacking anything that moves. Some campers go down and the zombies eat flesh. Pretty good effects for such a low-budget film. A renegade DNR agent goes camping with his wife and brother. Brother goes down, and they meet up with the hippie humans. The group find a cabin, occupied by a man who was being paid off by the farmers not to tell about the crop. The DNR agents who authorized the spraying of DROMAX go out in the woods to find the agent who doesn't agree with the politics of the DNR. Wifey gets it. The DNR agents are surprised by the zombies. Lots of bloodletting as one by one the zombies and the humans go down. Surviving is the renegade DNR agent, who quits the job and rides off in the sunset.
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things (1972): This is definitely a late-night cult classic and I'm glad it's second on the bill tonight at the Starlite. It's close to midnight, perfect for this kinda movie. Alan is the power-tripping, sick & twisted owner of a theater troupe. His fellow thespians include: Val, seriously sarcastic; Paul & Terry, couple who want to be in theater; Anya, freak-out hippie, love-child chick; Jeff, chubby with bladder problem; Roy & Emerson, two "drama queens" (if ya know what I mean). I've got to warn you, I warn everybody about this, but for the first hour or so not really much happens. A LOT of demented, inane, quick-witted humor and inept sarcasm just flies. Spend your time listening and looking at the super groovy fashions. By Gawd, I wish I could find a pair of those bell bottoms!!! Alan decides to treat his theater group to a night of shits and giggles. He gets them on a boat and they go to an abandoned cemetery on an island off the coast of Florida. He gets them over there and decides to do some grave-robbing. They open the coffin and the corpse grabs Jeff who proceeds to say for the next ten minutes "I peed my pants". The corpse turns out to be Roy and the jokes are a plenty. Nobody thinks this is funny, so Alan whips out a book of black magic spells and a super-cool robe and dried baby's blood and announces it's time to raise the dead. He goes through all this abra cadabra shit, scaring the troupe, but looking good while doing it, and finally: NOTHING HAPPENS! Val decides to try, NOTHING HAPPENS! They both take turns mocking Satan, but they're both pretty pissed off. Alan decides to take the corpse (named Orville) that they dug up and drag him to the cabin "for some fun". Anya doesn't like this and everybody protests, but Alan gets off on threatening their jobs if he doesn't have his way. Roy and Emerson are left behind in the graveyard to fill in the grave. Why? Anyway, The spell that Alan cast worked, it just took a little time to kick in. Back at the house, they mock Orville, and Anya has a delicious freak-out. The rest of the troupe are having a little bit of "heebie-jeebies". Alan takes Orville upstairs "to bed". Necrophilia weirdness is hinted at. Back at the graveyard, Roy and Emerson (and the tied-up caretaker) are being attacked by the living dead come to life. Time in: about an hour after the movie started. The soundtrack fills up with swirling, psychotronic, synth music perfect for the Drive-In and Grade B movies like this. The Zombies attack, and being a low budget film, you get to see less than you think of the red stuff. Still, CHILDREN from this point on is scary and atmospheric, creepy and demented. The zombies make quick work of the three in the graveyard and make their way to the house. Nobody, I mean nobody is ready for this!!! The gag worked, Alan. Now what? Everybody dies violently, including Alan, who forgot what he left upstairs in the bedroom. That's right, in one of the final moments, Orville gets his revenge. The zombies finish their snack and make their way down to the boat. The final shot, they sail for the coast.
Garden Of The Dead (1972): Okay, it's really getting late and I'm kinda tired, but c'mon sleepy eyes, stay awake. During the last intermission break, went to the bathroom and got a coupla Cokes for the caffeine buzz. Funny, with this movie being about an hour long, I never got to finish both. I used it for the ride home. GARDEN OF THE DEAD is total Drive-In fodder. If you're a zombie movie completist, it's a must. Want cheap thrills at not a lot of time? Come see this. Super thin plot, so cheap even at the beginning you can see it. The film starts and then changes to still pictures for the credits. Jeezus! Okay, okay it's really not that bad. A group of prisoners at a camp (which looks more like an old, deserted mining site) manufacture formaldehyde for their sentence. Why? Don't know. Gov't plot? can't say. On their lunch break the prisoners sniff the fumes from the formaldehyde to get high and then spend time digging a tunnel to get out. Somebody is seen when the prisoners do a "break out" and all the men are shot and then buried in shallow graves outside the camp walls. The rest of the prisoners are chained together standing up as punishment just in case they want to escape also. Anyway, for some strange reason, the formaldehyde has resurrection powers and all the buried men come back as fast moving, weapon using, talking zombies. They do not eat human flesh, sorry. The film stock has that grainy, realistic feel to it. The soundtrack is clearly library stock and also has some completely inappropriate poppy lounge jazz. Being a jazz fan, (especially the crazy 70's) this doesn't bother me as much. However, the zombies do. The special effects include a zombie who looks like he's foaming at the mouth using Aquafresh toothpaste. Not much else here. The film is so dimly lit (even for the Drive-In) that ya can hardly see what's happening. The rest of the film concerns a Winnebago and escape. Like I said, cheap, late-night thrills, GARDEN OF THE DEAD is no masterpiece, but for it's filming tightness and coherent story, I stayed awake until the very end. The night is over, it's two o' clock in the morning and I have an hour's drive back home. The Starlite's marquee is no longer lit. The screen is dark and another perfect Drive-In Experience is had. See ya next SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE STARLIGHT.
Toxic Zombies(1980): All right! Any movie with John Amplas (star of MARTIN, MIDNIGHT and good friend of George Romero) has got to be good!! I wasn't disappointed. The DNR find out about some hippie marijuana farmers growing dope on state land. They send out two agents (who are quickly dispatched by the hippies) and after realizing that the agents have probably been killed, two DNR high ranks enlist the help of a unemployed, drunken crop duster to spray the marijuana fields with a new chemical called DROMAX. The chemical is experimental so it ain't supposed to harm humans or animals, just kill the crops. Yeah, right!! The drunken duster has some of the best lines in this film. Check him out when he's yelling at his equally white-trash wife. Hilarious! Anyway, the duster sprays the chemical all over the place and not only gets the crop, but the hippies as well. The hippie farmers don't react well to being sprayed with this shit and they start coughing up blood and squirming. Meantime, the duster flies his plane back to the barn and comes out of the plane, coughing heinously and swaying. Come to find out DROMAX was not tested and it is harmful to humans. It turns them into zombies. Yeah! The next morning, the crop duster attacks his wife while she's doing laundry. And then the focus is on the hippie farmers. You see, not all of the hippies were out picking dope when the chemical was being sprayed. Some of them were packing up the camp to get the hell out of there. Well, the next day, those hippies that were sprayed don't look so good. In fact, they look kinda hungry, starving for something. That something, we find out, is human flesh!! One of the zombies attack and the shit goes down! The human hippies run like hell into the woods and the zombies follow, attacking anything that moves. Some campers go down and the zombies eat flesh. Pretty good effects for such a low-budget film. A renegade DNR agent goes camping with his wife and brother. Brother goes down, and they meet up with the hippie humans. The group find a cabin, occupied by a man who was being paid off by the farmers not to tell about the crop. The DNR agents who authorized the spraying of DROMAX go out in the woods to find the agent who doesn't agree with the politics of the DNR. Wifey gets it. The DNR agents are surprised by the zombies. Lots of bloodletting as one by one the zombies and the humans go down. Surviving is the renegade DNR agent, who quits the job and rides off in the sunset.
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things (1972): This is definitely a late-night cult classic and I'm glad it's second on the bill tonight at the Starlite. It's close to midnight, perfect for this kinda movie. Alan is the power-tripping, sick & twisted owner of a theater troupe. His fellow thespians include: Val, seriously sarcastic; Paul & Terry, couple who want to be in theater; Anya, freak-out hippie, love-child chick; Jeff, chubby with bladder problem; Roy & Emerson, two "drama queens" (if ya know what I mean). I've got to warn you, I warn everybody about this, but for the first hour or so not really much happens. A LOT of demented, inane, quick-witted humor and inept sarcasm just flies. Spend your time listening and looking at the super groovy fashions. By Gawd, I wish I could find a pair of those bell bottoms!!! Alan decides to treat his theater group to a night of shits and giggles. He gets them on a boat and they go to an abandoned cemetery on an island off the coast of Florida. He gets them over there and decides to do some grave-robbing. They open the coffin and the corpse grabs Jeff who proceeds to say for the next ten minutes "I peed my pants". The corpse turns out to be Roy and the jokes are a plenty. Nobody thinks this is funny, so Alan whips out a book of black magic spells and a super-cool robe and dried baby's blood and announces it's time to raise the dead. He goes through all this abra cadabra shit, scaring the troupe, but looking good while doing it, and finally: NOTHING HAPPENS! Val decides to try, NOTHING HAPPENS! They both take turns mocking Satan, but they're both pretty pissed off. Alan decides to take the corpse (named Orville) that they dug up and drag him to the cabin "for some fun". Anya doesn't like this and everybody protests, but Alan gets off on threatening their jobs if he doesn't have his way. Roy and Emerson are left behind in the graveyard to fill in the grave. Why? Anyway, The spell that Alan cast worked, it just took a little time to kick in. Back at the house, they mock Orville, and Anya has a delicious freak-out. The rest of the troupe are having a little bit of "heebie-jeebies". Alan takes Orville upstairs "to bed". Necrophilia weirdness is hinted at. Back at the graveyard, Roy and Emerson (and the tied-up caretaker) are being attacked by the living dead come to life. Time in: about an hour after the movie started. The soundtrack fills up with swirling, psychotronic, synth music perfect for the Drive-In and Grade B movies like this. The Zombies attack, and being a low budget film, you get to see less than you think of the red stuff. Still, CHILDREN from this point on is scary and atmospheric, creepy and demented. The zombies make quick work of the three in the graveyard and make their way to the house. Nobody, I mean nobody is ready for this!!! The gag worked, Alan. Now what? Everybody dies violently, including Alan, who forgot what he left upstairs in the bedroom. That's right, in one of the final moments, Orville gets his revenge. The zombies finish their snack and make their way down to the boat. The final shot, they sail for the coast. 
Garden Of The Dead (1972): Okay, it's really getting late and I'm kinda tired, but c'mon sleepy eyes, stay awake. During the last intermission break, went to the bathroom and got a coupla Cokes for the caffeine buzz. Funny, with this movie being about an hour long, I never got to finish both. I used it for the ride home. GARDEN OF THE DEAD is total Drive-In fodder. If you're a zombie movie completist, it's a must. Want cheap thrills at not a lot of time? Come see this. Super thin plot, so cheap even at the beginning you can see it. The film starts and then changes to still pictures for the credits. Jeezus! Okay, okay it's really not that bad. A group of prisoners at a camp (which looks more like an old, deserted mining site) manufacture formaldehyde for their sentence. Why? Don't know. Gov't plot? can't say. On their lunch break the prisoners sniff the fumes from the formaldehyde to get high and then spend time digging a tunnel to get out. Somebody is seen when the prisoners do a "break out" and all the men are shot and then buried in shallow graves outside the camp walls. The rest of the prisoners are chained together standing up as punishment just in case they want to escape also. Anyway, for some strange reason, the formaldehyde has resurrection powers and all the buried men come back as fast moving, weapon using, talking zombies. They do not eat human flesh, sorry. The film stock has that grainy, realistic feel to it. The soundtrack is clearly library stock and also has some completely inappropriate poppy lounge jazz. Being a jazz fan, (especially the crazy 70's) this doesn't bother me as much. However, the zombies do. The special effects include a zombie who looks like he's foaming at the mouth using Aquafresh toothpaste. Not much else here. The film is so dimly lit (even for the Drive-In) that ya can hardly see what's happening. The rest of the film concerns a Winnebago and escape. Like I said, cheap, late-night thrills, GARDEN OF THE DEAD is no masterpiece, but for it's filming tightness and coherent story, I stayed awake until the very end. The night is over, it's two o' clock in the morning and I have an hour's drive back home. The Starlite's marquee is no longer lit. The screen is dark and another perfect Drive-In Experience is had. See ya next SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE STARLIGHT.