Blood Feast(1963): Here we go, kiddies! the Granddaddy of all Splatter films, the one that started it all!! "The Citizen Kane of Gore films" (anybody whose seen SERIAL MOM will recognize this quote) The one, the only, BLOOD FEAST. I was lucky enough in the early 70's to be able to see it on the Drive-In screen, my mother and dad takin' my brother & I to a triple feature at the Lorain Drive-In Theater. BLOOD FEAST was the last feature and "the kids" were in their footie pajama's and supposed to be sleeping. I heard weird music and saw the title dripping blood. That's about all I remember about that. Anyway, thanx to the STARLITE for putting on this little H.G. Lewis festival. In 1963, Drive-In audiences never witnessed so much blood, so much gore, so much bad acting on the big screen before. Remember, 1963, people were watching PETTICOAT JUNCTION and GIDGET and other such happy family stuff. Today's audiences just laugh at the FX. I sigh and think, "this is where it all started".
Well, we start out in some chick's apartment, where after hearing a radio report, she takes a bath. She's reading a book, when a strange man appears and stabs her in the eye with a long blade knife. He deliciously pulls meat off the blade in close-up. Then with his back to the camera does some work on the body. We then see a bloody leg stump being put into a bag. Enter these two idiot cops. Blah, blah, blah and then we are at a strange Egyptian specialty food store. Fuad Rameses, proprietor. Wait, he's the Mad killer, right? He's talking to Mrs. Fremont about a catering affair, and with some googly-eyed hypnotism, he convinces her that her daughter must have an Egyptian Feast. She agrees and that's that. After she leaves, Fuad goes in the back where he has a statue of the goddess Ishtar, where we find out that collecting body parts and a ritual "blood feast" will bring her back from the dead. Then we are at the beach, where some of the worst dialogue is used. She says "I want to go". He says they "will leave when it's dark". It's utterly and completely nighttime at the moment. Fuad comes up, knocks him out of the way and hacks at her head with a machete. We get to see a gore-soaked chick lying there while Fuad puts her chunked brain inside a bag. Back to the lame detectives. After watching some chick and her sailor boyfriend drive up to a motel, then he takes off, we watch as Fuad breaks in and proceeds to rip this chicks tongue out. This is a long drawn out scene with Fuad's fingers in her mouth for what seems like minutes. Then we watch him put a foot long side of beef in his special bag. I didn't know tongues were that long!!! Close up of red gelatin running out of her mouth as she dies. Then finally, Playboy's Miss June, 1963, Connie Mason comes on the screen. My nomination for worst acting ever in a film!!!! It's freakin' hilarious!! Connie is Mrs. Fremonts daughter, the one she's throwing a party for. So the daughter is dating one of the cops and she's studying Ancient Egyptian Culture and they go to a lecture on The Blood Feast of Ishtar. We get to see a maiden's heart ripped out. The couple go neckin' after the lecture. One minutes it's day, next scene it's night. Anyway, the radio, another killing, the hospital, "EEEtar", Connie mason in bikini, one of her friends beat in broad daylight, then brought back to the catering shop where she is whipped and her blood collected. Pizza oven leg. Hah! Back to the dumb cops, where the boyfriend cop finally figures out all the clues and realizes that the feast tonight for his girlfriend is the Feast of Ishtar and Fuad Ramses is the killer. Party, Connie is almost sacrificed and Fuad is one the run. Cops chase him and Fuad tries to hide in a garbage truck where the garbage men start the crushing mechanism and we see blood and an arm. Pretty much the end. Yes, It is primitive and cheap and funny, but it's a #1 classic Drive-In film. Time for intermission and our next feature:
2000 Maniacs (1964): The next film in H.G. LEWIS' trilogy of gore is not my favorite one albeit, good story, good gore, but only four super spread out killings. However these are inventive, I must say. Too much dialogue in between and since this is a "quickie" that dialogue is inept and truly twisted. Connie Mason and Thom Wood are back and their acting is just as atrocious. Filmed in St. Cloud, Florida just years before Disney took over and jumbled any "small town hopes", this is a great study in before and after. Okay, okay the story, yes: Rednecks in trees and along a highway divert two vehicles with a total of six people into their town for a celebration. They don't know it, but they are the celebration. Seems like 100 years ago Yankees took over the town during the Civil War and burned, pillaged and did all sorts of nasty things. The town reappears every hundred years to exact revenge. Death by drawn and quartered, Death by axe and BBQ, Spiked barrel Roll (this is the best and most inventive-great scene!) and then - remember going to a country fair and ya had this loudmouth sitting in a booth and you were supposed to throw a baseball and he would be dunked in a tank of water? Yeah well, 2000 maniacs has that too, only it's a giant boulder instead. Hah! After some really bad acting, but very Drive-In dialogue, Connie and Thom are the survivors. What I wouldn't give to watch a spike being driven into their collective heads(see next movie!). Anyway, they find out that the town doesn't exist and no one believes their story and blah, blah. This would be a great movie, some of the rednecks dialogue and the town mayor's acting and hamming is truly twisted. This even had a decent story, sorta like a BRIGADOON thing going on. But oh, that Connie!!!!! She looked good, whatever happened to her?
The Wizard Of Gore (1970): Mad magician Montag the Magnificent drones on and on about some stupid existential shit and then proceeds to step into a guillotine and chop his head off. As the credits whirls he grabs his own head and throws it to the side and then rubs the audience up with more yapping about why we like gore. He asks for a female volunteer from the audience. He swiftly hypnotizes her and then tells the audience he is going to do the ol' saw-the-woman-in-half trick, only he pulls out a chainsaw. Cool! Some really weird editing going on here. Sometimes we see Montag gleefully splattering blood everywhere and rubbing some intestines around. Sometimes we see a full intact body with nothing happening to it. Montag finishes the illusion and sends the woman back into the audience. Jack, a sports writer and Sherri, a TV show host for "Housewife Coffee Break" are in the audience. After the show, the chainsaw chick goes to a restaurant where she proceeds to fall on the floor, blood everywhere. Jack and Sherri walk by and witness the police taking away the woman. Just what we need - PLOT! The next day, Sherri brags about Montag on her show and decides that she wants to do an interview. She goes over to the theater and Montag refuses, but changes his mind when she says she will let him do an illusion live. The mad magician offers her ticket to the next show. Strange cut here where the screen turns red and we see Montag rising a coffin from the ground and the chainsaw chick is in it. Montag carries her to a mausoleum and stores her body there. What's he doing - collecting souls? Shit, man, more plot. No, I get it! Padding between gore scenes. So, the next night, another Montag show - this time the illusion is driving a spike through a female's skull. Cool. Again with the weird cuts and blood, then no blood, but that funky, cheese jazz blares on the soundtrack! Montag pulls brains from this one ear and we see the spike all the way through her head (of course that looks like a mannequin) and then stuff his fingers into her eyes and then again, she's okay and he sends her back into the audience. After the show, Jack and Sherri go to Montag's dressing room, for what else?, more plot! He says he will do Sherri's TV show and offers them tickets to the next night's show. How does he make any money or is that an illusion too? (ha ha) More plot with Jack reading the paper about the spike girl and he's starting to think something funny is going on. Meanwhile at the morgue, Montag hypnotizes the attendant and steals the spike girls body, what does he do with it? again with the red screen and the mausoleum. Next night (after some more PLOT!) Montag's "illusion" consists of a punch press through the stomach. Again with the weird editing where one second she's covered in blood and Montag is messing with her innards and the next moment where she is fully intact. Again with the cheese jazz and again with the sending the girl back into the audience. These gore scenes are great. Blood everywhere, buckets and buckets of glorious red everywhere, even thick, juicy gelatin drooling from the mouth. Cool. Jack and Sherri are having dinner and sex (no boobs, boys, sorry) when the get the call about the punch press chick. She was found dead in her apartment. At the police station, the cops, Jack and Sherri doing some yapping about PLOT. Then we have the "red scene" again where Montag carries the girl and stores her body. Weird. I really like this movie. Somebody actually had thought about a script. Okay, again, Jack and Sherri are at Montag's show, this time with cops who are going to follow the victims home. Tonight's "illusion", Sword swallowing with two - count 'em, two women. Montag shoves this sword down this chicks throat and it looks like this really hurts as she's screaming and throwing up chunks of blood and then again with the strange editing of Montag gently placing the sword as in a classic sword-swallowing act you would see at the circus. Then back to the vicious grue as Montag finishes by shoving the sword all the way down. This was just the first one. The second one was screaming during the first act and now she's not! Montag does the same thing to the second girl. Same thing with the editing, the girls go back into the audience dazed and confused, but intact. The police are there when the bodies fall apart, but no one was there to kill them, looks like Montag's trick takes awhile to kick in. More freakin' plot at the cop station and finally Montag on Sherri's TV show. He's going to pull another trick, mass hypnosis and he stares hard into the camera and everybody's hand bleeds and he starts a fire which everyone is supposed to walk into, but Jack wasn't watching the show and he pushes Montag's body into the fire. Montag burns to a crisp. The end? Hardly! Later that night, Jack and Sherri are having wine and talking about what happened, when Jack pulls off his face and reveals - Montag! He goes into another existential spiel about illusion and reality, then attacks Sherri, ripping out her intestines and playing with them. But alas, Sherri sits up and has her own spiel about illusion and reality and tells Montag that he is her illusion and we are back on stage with Montag shaking off a "moment" and he goes back into his stage act. The final words on the screen…"THE END - OR THE BEGINNING?" All righty then. Seriously folks, rates a solid 10 on the Splat-o-meter. If it wasn't so busy with yapping, I would give it a 20! Many thanks to the Starlite Drive-In for playing some really classic Drive-In flicks tonight and as always, se ya next SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE STARLITE.
Blood Feast(1963): Here we go, kiddies! the Granddaddy of all Splatter films, the one that started it all!! "The Citizen Kane of Gore films" (anybody whose seen SERIAL MOM will recognize this quote) The one, the only, BLOOD FEAST. I was lucky enough in the early 70's to be able to see it on the Drive-In screen, my mother and dad takin' my brother & I to a triple feature at the Lorain Drive-In Theater. BLOOD FEAST was the last feature and "the kids" were in their footie pajama's and supposed to be sleeping. I heard weird music and saw the title dripping blood. That's about all I remember about that. Anyway, thanx to the STARLITE for putting on this little H.G. Lewis festival. In 1963, Drive-In audiences never witnessed so much blood, so much gore, so much bad acting on the big screen before. Remember, 1963, people were watching PETTICOAT JUNCTION and GIDGET and other such happy family stuff. Today's audiences just laugh at the FX. I sigh and think, "this is where it all started".
Well, we start out in some chick's apartment, where after hearing a radio report, she takes a bath. She's reading a book, when a strange man appears and stabs her in the eye with a long blade knife. He deliciously pulls meat off the blade in close-up. Then with his back to the camera does some work on the body. We then see a bloody leg stump being put into a bag. Enter these two idiot cops. Blah, blah, blah and then we are at a strange Egyptian specialty food store. Fuad Rameses, proprietor. Wait, he's the Mad killer, right? He's talking to Mrs. Fremont about a catering affair, and with some googly-eyed hypnotism, he convinces her that her daughter must have an Egyptian Feast. She agrees and that's that. After she leaves, Fuad goes in the back where he has a statue of the goddess Ishtar, where we find out that collecting body parts and a ritual "blood feast" will bring her back from the dead. Then we are at the beach, where some of the worst dialogue is used. She says "I want to go". He says they "will leave when it's dark". It's utterly and completely nighttime at the moment. Fuad comes up, knocks him out of the way and hacks at her head with a machete. We get to see a gore-soaked chick lying there while Fuad puts her chunked brain inside a bag. Back to the lame detectives. After watching some chick and her sailor boyfriend drive up to a motel, then he takes off, we watch as Fuad breaks in and proceeds to rip this chicks tongue out. This is a long drawn out scene with Fuad's fingers in her mouth for what seems like minutes. Then we watch him put a foot long side of beef in his special bag. I didn't know tongues were that long!!! Close up of red gelatin running out of her mouth as she dies. Then finally, Playboy's Miss June, 1963, Connie Mason comes on the screen. My nomination for worst acting ever in a film!!!! It's freakin' hilarious!! Connie is Mrs. Fremonts daughter, the one she's throwing a party for. So the daughter is dating one of the cops and she's studying Ancient Egyptian Culture and they go to a lecture on The Blood Feast of Ishtar. We get to see a maiden's heart ripped out. The couple go neckin' after the lecture. One minutes it's day, next scene it's night. Anyway, the radio, another killing, the hospital, "EEEtar", Connie mason in bikini, one of her friends beat in broad daylight, then brought back to the catering shop where she is whipped and her blood collected. Pizza oven leg. Hah! Back to the dumb cops, where the boyfriend cop finally figures out all the clues and realizes that the feast tonight for his girlfriend is the Feast of Ishtar and Fuad Ramses is the killer. Party, Connie is almost sacrificed and Fuad is one the run. Cops chase him and Fuad tries to hide in a garbage truck where the garbage men start the crushing mechanism and we see blood and an arm. Pretty much the end. Yes, It is primitive and cheap and funny, but it's a #1 classic Drive-In film. Time for intermission and our next feature:
2000 Maniacs (1964): The next film in H.G. LEWIS' trilogy of gore is not my favorite one albeit, good story, good gore, but only four super spread out killings. However these are inventive, I must say. Too much dialogue in between and since this is a "quickie" that dialogue is inept and truly twisted. Connie Mason and Thom Wood are back and their acting is just as atrocious. Filmed in St. Cloud, Florida just years before Disney took over and jumbled any "small town hopes", this is a great study in before and after. Okay, okay the story, yes: Rednecks in trees and along a highway divert two vehicles with a total of six people into their town for a celebration. They don't know it, but they are the celebration. Seems like 100 years ago Yankees took over the town during the Civil War and burned, pillaged and did all sorts of nasty things. The town reappears every hundred years to exact revenge. Death by drawn and quartered, Death by axe and BBQ, Spiked barrel Roll (this is the best and most inventive-great scene!) and then - remember going to a country fair and ya had this loudmouth sitting in a booth and you were supposed to throw a baseball and he would be dunked in a tank of water? Yeah well, 2000 maniacs has that too, only it's a giant boulder instead. Hah! After some really bad acting, but very Drive-In dialogue, Connie and Thom are the survivors. What I wouldn't give to watch a spike being driven into their collective heads(see next movie!). Anyway, they find out that the town doesn't exist and no one believes their story and blah, blah. This would be a great movie, some of the rednecks dialogue and the town mayor's acting and hamming is truly twisted. This even had a decent story, sorta like a BRIGADOON thing going on. But oh, that Connie!!!!! She looked good, whatever happened to her?
The Wizard Of Gore (1970): Mad magician Montag the Magnificent drones on and on about some stupid existential shit and then proceeds to step into a guillotine and chop his head off. As the credits whirls he grabs his own head and throws it to the side and then rubs the audience up with more yapping about why we like gore. He asks for a female volunteer from the audience. He swiftly hypnotizes her and then tells the audience he is going to do the ol' saw-the-woman-in-half trick, only he pulls out a chainsaw. Cool! Some really weird editing going on here. Sometimes we see Montag gleefully splattering blood everywhere and rubbing some intestines around. Sometimes we see a full intact body with nothing happening to it. Montag finishes the illusion and sends the woman back into the audience. Jack, a sports writer and Sherri, a TV show host for "Housewife Coffee Break" are in the audience. After the show, the chainsaw chick goes to a restaurant where she proceeds to fall on the floor, blood everywhere. Jack and Sherri walk by and witness the police taking away the woman. Just what we need - PLOT! The next day, Sherri brags about Montag on her show and decides that she wants to do an interview. She goes over to the theater and Montag refuses, but changes his mind when she says she will let him do an illusion live. The mad magician offers her ticket to the next show. Strange cut here where the screen turns red and we see Montag rising a coffin from the ground and the chainsaw chick is in it. Montag carries her to a mausoleum and stores her body there. What's he doing - collecting souls? Shit, man, more plot. No, I get it! Padding between gore scenes. So, the next night, another Montag show - this time the illusion is driving a spike through a female's skull. Cool. Again with the weird cuts and blood, then no blood, but that funky, cheese jazz blares on the soundtrack! Montag pulls brains from this one ear and we see the spike all the way through her head (of course that looks like a mannequin) and then stuff his fingers into her eyes and then again, she's okay and he sends her back into the audience. After the show, Jack and Sherri go to Montag's dressing room, for what else?, more plot! He says he will do Sherri's TV show and offers them tickets to the next night's show. How does he make any money or is that an illusion too? (ha ha) More plot with Jack reading the paper about the spike girl and he's starting to think something funny is going on. Meanwhile at the morgue, Montag hypnotizes the attendant and steals the spike girls body, what does he do with it? again with the red screen and the mausoleum. Next night (after some more PLOT!) Montag's "illusion" consists of a punch press through the stomach. Again with the weird editing where one second she's covered in blood and Montag is messing with her innards and the next moment where she is fully intact. Again with the cheese jazz and again with the sending the girl back into the audience. These gore scenes are great. Blood everywhere, buckets and buckets of glorious red everywhere, even thick, juicy gelatin drooling from the mouth. Cool. Jack and Sherri are having dinner and sex (no boobs, boys, sorry) when the get the call about the punch press chick. She was found dead in her apartment. At the police station, the cops, Jack and Sherri doing some yapping about PLOT. Then we have the "red scene" again where Montag carries the girl and stores her body. Weird. I really like this movie. Somebody actually had thought about a script. Okay, again, Jack and Sherri are at Montag's show, this time with cops who are going to follow the victims home. Tonight's "illusion", Sword swallowing with two - count 'em, two women. Montag shoves this sword down this chicks throat and it looks like this really hurts as she's screaming and throwing up chunks of blood and then again with the strange editing of Montag gently placing the sword as in a classic sword-swallowing act you would see at the circus. Then back to the vicious grue as Montag finishes by shoving the sword all the way down. This was just the first one. The second one was screaming during the first act and now she's not! Montag does the same thing to the second girl. Same thing with the editing, the girls go back into the audience dazed and confused, but intact. The police are there when the bodies fall apart, but no one was there to kill them, looks like Montag's trick takes awhile to kick in. More freakin' plot at the cop station and finally Montag on Sherri's TV show. He's going to pull another trick, mass hypnosis and he stares hard into the camera and everybody's hand bleeds and he starts a fire which everyone is supposed to walk into, but Jack wasn't watching the show and he pushes Montag's body into the fire. Montag burns to a crisp. The end? Hardly! Later that night, Jack and Sherri are having wine and talking about what happened, when Jack pulls off his face and reveals - Montag! He goes into another existential spiel about illusion and reality, then attacks Sherri, ripping out her intestines and playing with them. But alas, Sherri sits up and has her own spiel about illusion and reality and tells Montag that he is her illusion and we are back on stage with Montag shaking off a "moment" and he goes back into his stage act. The final words on the screen…"THE END - OR THE BEGINNING?" All righty then. Seriously folks, rates a solid 10 on the Splat-o-meter. If it wasn't so busy with yapping, I would give it a 20! Many thanks to the Starlite Drive-In for playing some really classic Drive-In flicks tonight and as always, se ya next SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE STARLITE.